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I don't believe in the after life,
by Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Related topics: Funny Cynical

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

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Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry


 

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.
For, indeed, that's all who ever have.
- Margaret Mead

Truth is not defined by
how many people believe something.
Ask. Question. Think.
Decide - for yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Stand often in the company of dreamers.
They believe you can achieve impossible things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe
others to be imperfect and try to change them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.
- Anne Frank

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Take time to contemplate -
away from the opinions and influence of others -
what you really want
and what you believe to be important in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Failure does not exist.
Failure is simply someone else's opinion of how
a certain act should have been completed.
Once you believe that no act must be performed
in any specific other-directed way,
then failing becomes impossible.
- Wayne Dyer

Believe you can - and then make it happen.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The thing always happens that you really believe in;
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Faith consists in believing when it is
beyond the power of reason to believe.
- Voltaire

I don't believe in killing whatever the reason!
- John Lennon

To accomplish great things,
we must not only act, but also dream;
not only plan, but also believe.
- Anatole France

I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything,
I still believe that people are really good at heart.
- Anne Frank

If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers

Never stop dreaming your inspired future.
Believing in your dreams is only the first step,
but unless you have a dream that you believe in,
you are leaving your future to random chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I believe that anyone can conquer fear
by doing the things he fears to do,
provided he keeps doing them until he gets
a record of successful experience behind him.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

In spite of everything, I still believe
that people are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation
consisting of confusion, misery and death.
- Anne Frank

I don't believe that imagining is enough.
- Bono

The greatest force in the human body
is the natural drive of the body to heal itself -
but that force in not independent of the belief system.
Everything begins with belief.
What we believe is the most powerful option of all.
- Norman Cousins

As you discover your daily good,
and believe in it, and think about it,
expect it to continue.
- Ernest Holmes

You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

You can, when you believe you can.
- Anonymous

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Have a Vision, a Dream.
Believe in that Vision.
Live that Vision with every fiber of your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact.
- William James

If you believe that a task will be difficult, it will be -
and you will have suffered with worry beforehand.
Approach life with joy and optimism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It isn't enough to talk about peace.
One must believe in it.
And it isn't enough to believe in it.
One must work at it.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared
believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.
- Bruce Barton

It is done to you as you believe.
- Ernest Holmes

Believe in yourself.
- Anonymous

Believe in the goodness of life.
Believe in the power of time to heal and to renew.
Believe in the power of forgiveness and gratitude.
Believe in the gift of rainbows and butterflies.
Believe in the laughter of children.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I do not believe in the God of the theologians;
but that there is a Supreme Intelligence I do not doubt.
- Thomas Edison

Believe you can and you're halfway there.
- Theodore Roosevelt


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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