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One great thing about getting old is that
by George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Funny Cynical Age

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin


 

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Drop the sword - for there is but one flesh to wound,
and it is the one flesh of all humankind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.
- Anais Nin

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

To leave the world a bit better ...
to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

In one drop of water are found all the secrets of all the oceans.
- Khalil Gibran

We must let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
- Joseph Campbell

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Imagine all the people living life in peace.
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
and the world will be as one.
- John Lennon

The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter.
- Mark Twain

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

There is no passion to be found playing small -
in settling for a life that is less
than the one you are capable of living.
- Nelson Mandela

When we contemplate the whole globe as one great dewdrop,
striped and dotted with continents and islands,
flying through space with other stars
all singing and shining together as one,
the whole universe appears as an infinite storm of beauty.
- John Muir

Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

When one door closes, another opens.
But often we look so long, so regretfully,
upon the closed door,
that we fail to see the one that is opened for us.
- Helen Keller

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity
are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

With realization of one's own potential and
self-confidence in one's ability,
one can build a better world.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
- The Buddha

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
- e. e. cummings

If you wait for opportunities to occur,
you will be one of the crowd.
- Edward de Bono

Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

One service to need heals an ancient wound.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;
not going all the way, and not starting.
- The Buddha

One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life
comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.
- Robert A. Heinlein

All the darkness of the world cannot
extinguish the light of a single candle,
yet one candle can illuminate all the darkness.
- Jewish Hanukah Prayer

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

We are all different - and we are all one.
Take time to understand, and to appreciate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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