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It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
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A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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