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Les Dawson Quotes and Sayings
Quotes by Les Dawson

May you find great value in these inspirational Les Dawson Quotes from my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex,
she objects.
- Les Dawson

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay;
the mice throw themselves on the traps.
- Les Dawson

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.
My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No,
six should be enough.'
- Les Dawson

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.
- Les Dawson

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I used to sell furniture for a living.
The trouble was, it was my own.
- Les Dawson

A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional

Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn


 

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
- James H. Boren

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him.
Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.
- Harold MacMillan

Basically my wife was immature.
I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Woody Allen

I'm a fun father, but not a good father.
The hard decisions always went to my wife.
- John Lithgow

The man in our society is the breadwinner;
the woman has enough to do as the homemaker,
wife and mother.
- Dorothy Fields

A woman must combine the role of mother,
wife and politician.
- Emma Bonino

My wife and I have so much fun when we travel and find anything...
like stray cats and squirrels.
- Eric Roberts

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
- Michel de Montaigne

The woman is uniformly sacrificed to the wife and mother.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams

There's nothing like a good cheating song to make me
want to run home to be with my wife.
- Steven Curtis Chapman

I don't think my wife likes me very much,
when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
- Frank Carson

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when
two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife,
confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
- Homer

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife
an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home,
and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
- Martin Luther

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife;
she has thought much worse things about you.
- Jean Rostand

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...
or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
- Douglas Adams

A man's home is his wife's castle.
- Alexander Chase

I got up with my wife, I sat down at the computer when she went to work,
and I didn't stop until she got home.
- George Stephen

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

There's just me and my wife and a dog and we feed him Healthy Choice also.
- Mike Ditka

Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus

He that loves not his wife and children feeds a lioness at home,
and broods a nest of sorrows.
- Jeremy Taylor

When a man opens a car door for his wife,
it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Prince Philip

The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope
that keeps up a wife's spirits.
- John Gay

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
- David Ogilvy

If I had no family, my wife and I would lead a much
more romantic and nomadic existence.
- David McCallum

The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.
- Cyril Connolly

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but
tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.
- Sacha Guitry

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
First, let her think she's having her own way.
And second, let her have it.
- Lyndon B. Johnson

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress;
when I get tired of one,
I spend the night with the other.
- Anton Chekhov

Caesar might have married Cleopatra,
but he had a wife at home.
There's always something.
- Will Cuppy

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- E. Joseph Cossman

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage:
the wife is in charge.
- Bill Cosby

Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him
is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages.
- Barry Goldwater

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

We call that person who has lost his father,
an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife.
But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend,
by what name do we call him? Here every language is
silent and holds its peace in impotence.
- Joseph Roux

You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17

I'm not a real movie star.
I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers

My wife is my first audience.
She's a tough lady, so I can't say that I ever scare her.
Except, of course, when she sees me the way I look before breakfast.
- Dean Koontz

When I was 21 I stopped and got married.
I tried for a while to be the perfect wife,
society this, society that but it wasn't working,
so after about a year I went back to work.
- Pia Zadora

What is the value of sticking a microphone in a man's
face right after he has learned of his wife's death?
- Jessica Savitch

I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I supported Bob Schaffer's three races for Congress.
But we all had concerns about whether he could win statewide.
Then my wife suggested that I get it.
- Pete Coors

The foolish and cruel notion that a wife is to obey
her husband has sent more women to the grave than to
the courts for a divorce.
- Lemuel K. Washburn

They see me as being this Super Mom on TV who also
can more than handle a difficult husband,
and they assume I'm going to be just full of wisdom
as a mother and wife myself.
- Patricia Richardson

The party now is having my kids laugh and my wife laugh and my teammates.
I want them to see me have fun and put it in a different way.
- Brett Favre

I don't really make plans and I just want to be happy
and continue with my business and take care of my wife and kids.
I want to sit back, relax and enjoy life.
- Larry Holmes

If you have your wife, and you are proud of something she's done,
wouldn't you go and support her in something? That
is what I was trying to do.
- Gisele Bundchen

Bring a wife home to your house when you are of the right age,
not far short of 30 years, nor much above;
this is the right time for marriage.
- Hesiod

With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Any judge who allows an adulterer with a live-in girlfriend
to terminate the life of his wife should be impeached.
- Phyllis Schlafly

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband
but only half the income.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez

Sometimes, when my wife and I were going out to dinner,
I would take my laptop with me and work in the car,
so as to take advantage of the half hour going and coming.
- Thomas Friedman

I finally got a chance to talk to my daughter from my previous marriage.
I just got married May 3 to my beautiful wife,
but we don't see each other much.
- Peter Criss

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- Henny Youngman

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.
The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- Rodney Dangerfield

A woman's life is not perfect or whole till she has
added herself to a husband.
Nor is a man's life perfect or whole till he has added to himself a wife.
- Anthony Trollope


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