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Conan O`Brien Quotes and Sayings
Quotes by Conan O`Brien

May you find great value in these inspirational Conan O`Brien Quotes from my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings.

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor.
To improve their chances, all five candidates changed
their name to Rudy Giuliani.
- Conan O'Brien

Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't
eligible for another fifteen years.
- Conan O'Brien

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to
ban people from wearing pants that fit too low.
However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.
- Conan O'Brien

President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit.
Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward
start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.
- Conan O'Brien

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Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush,
who proved you can be a successful politician in this
country even if English is your second language.
- Conan O'Brien

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get,
but if you work really hard and you're kind,
amazing things will happen.
- Conan O'Brien

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups.
The very first one will say, 'Jesus!
This cup is expensive!'
- Conan O'Brien


 

A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men.
I just want to say to the authors of that study:
'Duh.'
- Conan O'Brien

Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay.
In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been
hospitalized for exhaustion.
- Conan O'Brien

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism.
Scientists say they found it at a party,
talking way too loudly.
- Conan O'Brien

Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.
- Conan O'Brien

CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.
When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man,
Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'
- Conan O'Brien

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum.
The plan is being held up by finding a location that
isn't in their neighborhood.
- Conan O'Brien

Fish recognize a bad leader.
- Conan O'Brien

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.
And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
- Conan O'Brien

Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now.
The toys can talk and are interactive,
so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans.
- Conan O'Brien

In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed
limited federal funding for stem cell research.
That's right, the President said, this is a quote,
the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's,
Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have.
- Conan O'Brien

John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take
control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing.
Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career.
- Conan O'Brien

The U.S.
army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting
contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President
Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding.
When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war,
the spokesman said 'Yes.'
- Conan O'Brien

Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming
that she has had her breast implants removed.
Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her
old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.
- Conan O'Brien

President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003.
Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this,
not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million
deal to read a book by 2003.
- Conan O'Brien

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the
California school system,
calling it disastrous.
Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its
graduates are willing to vote for me.
- Conan O'Brien

The Canadian government continues to say they will
not help us if we go to war with Iraq.
However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help,
but he's pretty sure that last time he checked,
Canada had no army.
- Conan O'Brien

Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for
the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began,
they started crying.
Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later,
and they still haven't lost their virginity.
- Conan O'Brien

Officials at the White House are saying that President
Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started.
The main difference, they say, is that he's started
watching the news and taping Sponge Bob.
- Conan O'Brien

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for
stealing several blow-up dolls.
Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching
the man because he was completely out of breath.
- Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S.
reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon
as possible because the U.S.
could attack at any time.
Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do,
don't tell Geraldo.'
- Conan O'Brien

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards
were so friendly to each other some political experts
think that they may end up running together.
In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly,
President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.
- Conan O'Brien

Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell PHOTO

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

Let every day be the first day
of the rest of your life,
but especially let today be a new beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know that you cannot create great new beginnings
until you sincerely celebrate the endings that precede them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy

I am a deeply religious nonbeliever -
this is a somewhat new kind of religion.
- Albert Einstein

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars,
or sailed to an uncharted land,
or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
- Helen Keller

Incite a riot of new ideas.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I live to experience something new each day -
to learn something new,
meet a new friend,
bring joy into someone's life,
feel the wind newly on my skin,
touch a new fear, a new anger,
and with focused intent and good fortune,
find an ample measure of my own joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Cheer for endings - whether goals have been met or not -
whether the ending is tidy or ragged.
Without endings, there would be neither the opportunity
nor the incentive to think new thoughts,
and to begin great new projects.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Why live?
Adding one to my count of days, or postponing
a feared death by another day do not inspire me.
I live to experience something new each day -
to learn something new, meet a new friend,
bring joy into someone's life,
feel the wind newly on my skin,
touch a new fear, a new anger,
and with focused intent and good fortune,
find an ample measure of my own joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The ending of a job or a relationship
may appear as the darkest night,
but it is merely the Winter season -
the time of renewal and rebirth
that precedes the new planting -
the beginning of the next great cycle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn

In order to discover new lands,
one must be willing to lose sight
of the shore for a very long time.
- Anonymous

You cannot discover new oceans unless
you have the courage to lose site of the shore.
- Anonymous

Be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau

Nay, be a Columbus to whole new
continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau

Our opportunity is always to make the choice for Joy.
To see the world with new eyes - open eyes - loving eyes.
To choose compassion and understanding -
for ourselves, our family, our friends,
our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We keep moving forward, opening new doors,
and doing new things, because we're curious
and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
- Walt Disney

Every day is a new day -
a day for new beginnings, new dreams, new action -
a day for challenge, adventure, and discovery.
TODAY, what is your goal?
What is your dream?
What action are you taking to further your goals and dreams?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A ship in port is safe,
but that's not what ships are built for.
Sail out to sea and do new things.
- Grace Hopper

Every decision you make - every decision -
is not a decision about what to do.
It's a decision about Who You Are.
When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes.
You begin to see life in a new way.
All events, occurrences, and situations
turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.
- Neale Donald Walsch

What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau

Stop holding on to the past.
Release your regrets about whatever you may have done
or failed to do that turned out poorly.
Forgive others for whatever they may have done
or failed to do that cause you harm.
Declare today to be a new beginning.
Let go of the past and move on with creating
a joyful new future for yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every day is a new beginning -
a day for a new plan and new action.
If today, in conscious awareness, you choose
the same plan as yesterday, you are wise.
If you choose a different plan, you are equally wise.
Whatever you choose, choose with intention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

I create a new and more loving story
to surround each event in my past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Put some distance between yourself
and whatever is concerning you.
Distance in space or time
always creates a new perspective.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Consider a new beginning with your family -
choose to take them less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I can't understand why people
are frightened by new ideas.
I'm frightened of old ones.
- John Cage

The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust

In all my ways of seeing - may I use new glasses,
a telescope and a microscope.
And may I always allow myself to see a circumstance
through the tender hearts of my friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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